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Lloyd Roger Spencer

New Age Bull – The Open Relationship

in Transparent Writing
New Age Bull – The Open Relationship post image

The title for this is likely to offend some, but I ask, will the individuals offended by the title give any time to explore the words and content following it? Or will a multitude of assumptions simply be made?

Every single time the feeling of being offended arises observe it, see what is offended. Are you ready to explore what you have come to believe? Are you willing to be challenged? Rather than ask these questions a layer of protection forms, this is known as an air of superiority. It is easy to fall into this frequency and make the assumption the challenge is coming from a confused individual who simply needs a little more experience or study in their repertoire, and when they do, they will understand and come to think like you.

To transparently explore we have to be willing to enter something completely open, this means all you think to be true and know can be freely questioned. In this space you are willing to be wrong, you are willing to ask the questions that will challenge the comfort zones you have become accustomed to.

This means taking a stance of superiority does not protect you. In fact it simply highlights a resistance to the process of true transparent exploration.

It is not uncommon to come across certain beliefs and ideologies that are rife in our current cultural psychosis. Likewise it’s not uncommon to come across individuals that are so attached to their belief and ideologies that they will refuse to truly see the reality that is right before them.

Are we so unwilling to let go of forms of identity that actually remove us from a true form of individuality?

The open relationship conversation is certainly not uncommon, regardless of whether it’s spoken about in the Work Environment, Pubs or New Age Circles. I am willing to ask how much of this conversation is actually based in genuine truth and connection which considers all relevant parties. This also goes for the books and attempted practice in open relationships, how much of it is truly based in our current paradigm and reality?

It is important to note that the idea and potential benefits of experiencing a true open relationship could be a profound experience. Some books that are dedicated or at least touch on the subject are talking about something that can be a beautiful experience for both Male and Female. This is a key aspect that needs to be truly understood to embark on a true serving open relationship, BOTH parties must be willing participants and they both must be completely transparent.

The truth of the matter is most of Humanity in its current state of consciousness are unable to embrace an open relationship.

This is to say most so called new age advocates can speak the words, but have no true deep understanding of the process and what it means. Most of the conversation on this subject largely comes from men who are still trying to hold on to Patriarchal domineering energies that have no place in a true open connection. It becomes a bypass that tries to make something that is now very old and outdated seem fresh and new, manipulation at its finest.

Make special note that this is being written by a man, not a scorned woman bitter from relationships gone bad. If you were thinking at any point this must have been written by such an individual then you were in that energy we talked about earlier, the air of superiority.

To even embark on the open relationship conversation with someone you are intimately connected with, either physically or energetically takes immense responsibility. Under no circumstances would a genuine male or female engage in the relationship if they knew the other party wanted more than they were willing to offer. Furthermore the responsibility transcends to all the connections you have with others. To mention your desire for an open relationship after you have engaged in an exchange of companionship, innuendo, energy or physical contact is not being a transparent genuine individual.

To embark on the exploration of serving, honouring connections takes a certain inner connection. This inner connection comes from taking time and space to honestly ask internal questions, this takes strength, courage and dedication to understand your true intentions and fears. Awareness of this process can allow you to truly experience the gift of relationship. In this space you can embark on a true open relationship, but you will only do this with others in the same place and intention. Likewise you are not fearful of committing to another to fully experience a union truly beyond words. This type of experience lasts for as long as it lasts, there are no predefined rules to restrict it to a specific time period. Neither is there a need to restrict it to external validation, because when you feel this union you know it for what it is and this cannot be experienced in an open relationship.

To understand these two types of relationships are of immense value when we truly embrace them for what they are. They are both very different, and both take responsibility and honesty very few of us are in a space to give.

Begin the journey of transparency and dare to embrace vulnerability. Mistake this not for weakness, for it takes far more strength to enter a relationship open and vulnerable than it does to enter with a persona of strength, protection and safety. In fact to truly experience the love and gift of relationship you must surrender completely to the experience. You must be willing to put everything you believe on the line and be willing to fully experience.

Are you ready?

About the author: The world is in a state of needless pain, this pain exists in us all. It is manifest through almost all we consider to be normal or part of everyday life. One aspiration would be to help others with this pain, however first before we can help anyone we must help and understand our own internal existence. From embarking on this process a natural direction is to help provide and contribute to a platform, organisation or movement that operates from a new paradigm. A paradigm that respects and supports all, not just the few.

2 comments… add one

  • Really well written Lloyd – of course! :-)

  • I really love this blog Lloyd and I love the space its written from. It takes time for an individual to get to that space of loving someone so openly without a system/form/guarantee/attachment that surrounds it and being deeply committed to them at the same time, creating a level of deep intimacy and transparency where “everything is okay”. Creating the relationship from a space of being in the unknown but having tools like transparency, self love and an understanding of the higher purpose of relationships to shape the relationship.

    I recently wrote my own blog about the higher purpose of relationships and the fact that they are no longer based on a “need” to be with each other, because when you get to a certain point in your life you’ve learned to give everything you want to yourself, but they are based on a level of evolution of both souls in the relationship. Where you support each other’s evolution by regularly asking each other what each person needs in their next evolution, what they like to experience and by giving this to each other.

    This could also include experiences with somebody else outside of the relationship like you mentioned in your blog if that’s what the other person wants to experience and has shared transparently with the person inside the relationship before hand. However when you get to a point of total self love and acceptance and understand that the relationship is there for both parties to grow and live their higher purpose, you will feel okay with that. Rather than feeling betrayed, you experience a level of “allowing”, allowing the other person to experience what they need to experience to grow. I’m not saying that the ego will not be there to have its say and that jealousy won’t arise, but you would have learned to include that in your growth and you would have learnt to understand the gifts of those energies arising. The opposite of jealousy is freedom, so if one can be okay with being jealous, they would have understood by this time in their evolution that it’s necessary for them to feel this energy to experience the opposite energy of unconditional love.

    I read a book once which you might know too “In the Meantime” by Iyanla Vanzant and she describes it as reaching the Attic of your Relationship house where you moved from having relationships that are dependent (she calls it the “basement” of the relationship house) to relationships that are “unconditional” (the “attic” of the relationship house).

    She explains that the attic of life’s house is the consciousness with which children live, totally trusting, totally free, totally accepting of self and others. The attic of life’s house is about living with a childlike heart through which all things are good, even after you have been told otherwise. It is the place where we see, feel, and learn to recognise the presence of our higher self in our soul and in all other souls. In the attic you’ve made a commitment to shift your consciousness into a state of love, unconditional self-love.

    In this place you understand that, as a human being you have the tendency to people-please, dance around the truth, doubt yourself, and become involved with a host of things that masquerade as love. Because you know this about you, you commit your total being to the elimination of all of the things that have held you in a space of conditional love by examining your expectations about love. This means looking at what you want and what you expect you will have to do to get it.

    Throughout your journey you had attic experiences, those times when you have allowed yourself to be totally open, totally vulnerable to the experience of love. At those times you were not concerned about what would happen or what could happen and you were relaxed. Then your human stuff kicked in and you shifted into fear. Relationships bring up our deepest fears. The fear of failing, being abandoned, being yelled at, and not being lovable enough.

    In the attic of love’s house you vow to never again allow fear to rob you of the experience of love.

    I love you Lloyd and thanks for sharing your transparent exploration, you are contributing to the awakening of evolution and create the space to ask questions that others are too busy to ask.

    xoxo

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